Monday, November 07, 2005

Play for the day. Stop Thief

This is a pet hate, I will relate the latest example but to be honest these conversations occur fairly regularly, are all pretty similar and have a degree of inevitability about them.

Scene 1

It is a busy morning in the City Centre shopping metropolis, around the first of the month.

We see a small furry creature (for tis he, the Desert Weasel) scampering along carrying the fruits of his morning's labours. A number of brightly coloured, branded bags are in one hand, in the other he clutches a still smoldering gold card.

Scene 2

Our hero approaches another store where stands a lonesome security guard.

The Weasel: [walking past]
Lovely day

Security guard:

The Weasel: [stops and turns]

Security guard:
Bag bag you no go with bag

The Weasel:

Security guard:

The Weasel:
So let's get this straight, you see me here I clearly want to spend money, but you want to stop me, make me stand in a queue and take all my valuable purchases off me just so I can go into the store, ......Because?.......because?

Security guard:[much head shaking]
Policy security policy

The Weasel:
Let me help you here.......Because........You think that if you let me in I will stuff half your crappy store into my Prada bags and leg it without paying.... right?

In other words you are calling me a thief?

Security guard:
No Sir

The Weasel:
Well that's fine then, I'm glad we settled that [walks on] I will now enjoy your fine store

Security guard:[chasing and grabbing bags]
Bag, bag, no bag

[A tussle ensues, other guards approach]

scene 3

The outside of the store, we see the Weasel being manhandled out into the mall by two security guards

The Weasel:
Bast**ds!!!!!!!! Get your bloody hand's off me [the guards drop him]

[he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small book, we see it is full of shop names, he writes the store's details in]

See this? You're in trouble now, I'm never coming to your crappy store again and neither are my friends...

[Shuffles away no longer scampering while the guards laugh.]

the end

To be honest I first came across this policy in Australia in the early eighties, I couldn't believe it then and it still hasn't got any more palatable. Too many people don't think or don't care about the insinuation the store makes each time they force you to queue up and hand over your bags.

Apart from anything else calling your most likely to buy customers thieves is hardly likely to ingratiate them to you.

Incidentally it didn't work there then and doesn't work here now, the losses from CC and other malls are still substantial and the gangs that work the stores have always taken more than the odd opportunity thief with a store bag.

The good news however is that with the explosion of retail in Dubai this, and other service faux pas, will have to change. With more stores chasing a more sophisticated and less tolerant market, little things, like not insulting your customers will come to matter.

Off to the local Choitrams, about the only store not on the list.


Blogger Alexander said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:53 pm  
Blogger catherine calspa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:02 pm  
Blogger Keefieboy said...

Well I'll do a comment, and I hope u don't remove it Mr Weasel. Yes, this sucks. I am always offended when security blokes do this. But I'm not a huge shopper - I don't generally go from shop to shop in a mall, picking up stuff as I go. If I am planning to do some of that, I'll dump whatever I've bought in the car first, before trying to enter l'hypermarche. Or vice versa. But it really bugs me when my wife has to either deposit her handbag at the desk or have it shrink-wrapped.

Anyway, I always wear trousers with massive shoplifting pockets, and they never get sealed up.

12:19 am  
Blogger Emirati said...

Give the guys a break man, theyre only doing their job, stop trying to play colombian rebel guerilla with the poor security guards

1:51 am  
Blogger azucenamaryam said...

Why not just obey the rules? Be a shining exapmle.

If more people obeyed the rules without trying to make the rules, around life in the Emirates would be much better!

6:58 am  
Blogger Desert_Weasel said...

First two comments are spammers
As to why not obey the rules?
This is not a rule it is a money saving scheme put in place by lazy store management who do not mind insulting their customers.

I do resent being called a thief, I find it rude and offensive and while the story is a joke the effect is the same,I don't shop in the places that do this.

Why do you find the rules ok. Have you thought about the implications, how would you feel about being searched as you leave every shop- a natural progression.

The rules are there because the shop will not invest in proper security or perhaps feels they cannot arrest the people who do shoplift and therefore try to prevent the temptation by stopping everyone else.
Either way unless they can prove I am a thief I will continue to be insulted and take my money elsewhere when I can.

11:08 am  

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